aM i cRAzY?

Day One:


The scrawny old woman beckoned to me frantically. “Please, help me, I’ve lost my little girl, have you seen her?”

“N…no, I replied. Maybe she’s in the next room.

A short while later, a middle aged man with unkempt hair and vacant blue eyes appeared in my doorway, grinned at me, then wandered down the hall.

I glanced around my room. High-ceilinged walls painted white and gray. Two beds, two night stands with tissues and metal water pitchers – that was it. The elderly lady in the bed beside me lay groaning in pain.

“Can I call a nurse for you?” I asked.

“Ohhhhh….,” she groaned. Her penicillin pill still lay on the dirty floor under her bed where the nurse had dropped it the night before. I was discouraged. I prayed. Lord, what is going on here?


Day Two:


Another visitor was added to my daily repertoire. A jolly, round-faced woman of about 40.

“Hello!” “Why are you here – I’m here to perform an important surgery – the doctors are expecting me at any moment – this kind of surgery has never been performed before,” she said, all in one breath. “I graduated from T…….. with an advanced degree in medicine – the highest in my class …..”. Realizing something was terribly wrong, I interrupted her, thanked her for stopping by, hoped she would leave.

A young wife and mother of two small children, I had been admitted at Maine Medical Center the night before with strange leg pain, and unable to walk. I now noticed that only blue-coated orderlies were attending to the needs of patients, including myself. No registered nurses? I clutched my Bible desperately.

“Oh, God, I prayed. What is wrong with me? Why am I here? Am I crazy?”

My mind had become sluggish as the result of the sudden hypothyroid condition I had experienced. But … Crazy?

I was afraid. Please, God, what is going on?

I had no visitors – not even Carl, my husband, because of his work schedule. I was two hours away from home and other family members hardly knew I was there.



Day Three:



Close to tears, I cried out to God, “Please, God, You know my worst fear is to be out of my mind.

“Only a touch of Thy Hand dear Lord … only a word from Thee will all my heart’s wild anguish still, joyful my soul shall be.”


As I opened my Bible, He led me to Romans 8:15: (AMPLIFIED)

For(the Spirit which) you have now received (is) not a spirit of slavery to put you once more in bondage to fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption – the Spirit producing son-ship – in (the bliss of) which we cry Abba! {That is, Father!}


That word resonated in my heart. Throughout my childhood, I had never known the assurance and comfort of a father who was able to demonstrate love to his children. Besides that, he was often away from home, either on an alcoholic binge or trying to get “dried out”from his alcoholism. Now, God was revealing Himself to me as a Father. A Father who loved me and would never leave me or forsake me. Hebrews 13:5&6 AMPLIFIED Oh, thank you … Father…!! This is why you have put me here; to find out who you truly are.

That day, in the midst of this new wonder, I gathered courage to ask to see a registered nurse.

“How can I help you.” She asked cheerfully. How can you be so cheerful? I wanted to say.

Will you please tell me what is going on. Why am I here? Am I crazy?”

“Oh, of course not, she quipped, with a chuckle. “Your mind is fine. It’s just that you came here on an emergency basis and we couldn’t find another room for you. We’ll move you soon.”

Is that all? Three days of this, and she acts like it was a nothing at all? Oh, Forgive me, Father. And … thank you! I was soon to find out further why God had put me here.

I was moved later that day. My new nurse was a pretty young woman of about 25 named Sarah.

“Oh! She exclaimed, as she saw my Bible on the nightstand. “You must be a Christian.” She picked up the my little book of Bible verses. She and I were both been memorizing the same scripture passages! Our fellowship was sweet and encouraging. The next day Sarah surprised me with a question.

“Flora, she said, my father is a pastor. He’s having a rough time in the ministry. He’s very depressed. He’s even considering stepping down from the pulpit. Would you mind if I ask him to come in and talk with you this evening?”

“No, I’d be glad to to talk with him.” I said.

This man was pastor of a church from a denomination I had recently been involved with, and through the scriptures, had come to some enlightenment regarding it. God had prepared me ahead for his visit. As he shared his burden, I shared the scriptures God had given during my own perplexity. Praise His Name!

But, God was not finished …


Day Four:


I lay quietly with my eyes closed, praying silently.

“Oh, Father, thank you, for who you are. Thank you, for all you have done. It’s amazing how you work. Thank you for revealing yourself to me as a Father, and reminding me that you have a divine purpose for everything that comes into our lives.”

I opened my eyes. Someone was leaving the room – visitors! Oh, how I needed a sane visitor.

I spoke quickly.

“Hello. I’m sorry – I didn’t hear you come in.”

They turned. It was Richard and Marion Holden, dear missionary friends who had been serving the Lord in Argentina.

“Oh, we thought you were asleep. We saw your name on the door, and thought we’d stop and say hello.”

“What a surprise! I thought you were in Argentina.” I said. They began to share a sad truth with me. They had been having problems on the field with some fellow-missionaries and were considering not returning to the field. I was able, once again, to be an encouragement to fellow-believers through His Word. I was so thankful and humbled to see how God had planned this.


Day Five:


I went home from the hospital, free of pain. It was determined that my sudden weakness and pain had been the result of a second thyroid surgery, plus excessive medication, resulting in acute hypothyroidism. I simply needed more time to regain my strength.

Those five days were a major turning point in my life. Not only had I gained a new awareness of God as my loving, caring Father, but had experienced more powerfully than ever that He truly does “… work all things together for good to those who love Him ….” Rom. 8:28 (AMPLIFIED)



(All person’s names, except for my own and my husband’s, are fictitious.)